Testing and Insecurities
For the last two days I have been grilled on the last 7 years and 5 years of my children’s lives. From my pregnancy to how they are now. My boys have been observed and talked to at length with psychologist.
Sitting on that office I was immediately transported to 5.5 years ago when we got Blake’s diagnosis of Aspergers. I could feel the sweat on my hands and the waves of nausea hitting. A few times I would look away to regain my train of thought. Just so I didn’t miss a fact and an important one. We discussed Nathans transition to this school. I am hoping come September it will be better. With better teachers.Today was all about Blake.
The last two days have been overwhelming for me. I was trying hard to figure out why. Because I kept hearing phrases that is not what a typical child does.What strange and weird things do they do? What don’t they like? Why don’t they like this smell or this texture? It dawned on me today that while they were trying to figure out what makes my kids tic. They were also reiterating things we heard so long ago. That I had pushed to the depths of my being.
Yes I know my boys are different. Yes I know they can be obnoxious and overbearing. We are working on these things. We are working on getting things so they are more behaved and more social acceptable. It was bringing back days where people just stopped calling and disappearing because they can’t deal with my children. I know they are not the most easy children to do deal with. They are impulsive and say things a normal child shouldn’t and that is inappropriate.
I guess as a parent my insecuritiesall came back. The same insecurities that have been tucked away. Were released. I am not sure why I allow these things to bother me. I really don’t care what the doctor thinks of my parenting skills. I guess it boils down to the fact that our children are reflections of us. I know those boys have come a long way. They are doing phenomenally well compared to other children with the same diagnosis.I just hate the way this has eaten at me. I will have all reports within 14 days. I know nothing will change and the same diagnosis will be there. I think it is the way they question here is what made me so uncomfortable with it. It was more accusing than asking.
The fact remains I love these two little monsters more than life. I am ready for this testing to be finished. They are just another piece to this puzzle we call Autism.
(((hugs))) It never does get easier, does it? I think the hardest part is when e get asked all those questions, and there’s no explanation, but the doctors’ tone says something different than the words do. Our kids of course don’t pick up on the tone thing, but we parents do. I don’t even know if the doctors realize they do it. The really good ones don’t. I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed here that our pediatrician acts like she’s never seen autism. I know for a fact there are more kids on post affected than jut mine (but I don’t know if they see her). She always has this thing about how my kids don’t ride a bike. Like in the grand scheme, THAT’S a big deal.
Sorry, to have digressed. I need more caffeine. Hang in there. I’ve heard good things about services for kids in Germany. I hope your family can tap them.
Amanda @ Confessions From HouseholdSix´s last [type] ..Is It Worth It
We have been. I think that there was a language barrier as part of the problem. No it really doesnt get any easier but we make due. I am more concerned about the socail stuff than I am the other nonsense stuff.
Just stopping by to tell you that you and your boys are in my thoughts! I think it’s awful that you’re being made to feel this way, just remember you’re strong mama!
Henrietta´s last [type] ..Duckie’s the duck Video
Thank you.
You are an amazing mom. Dealing with the difficulties your boys have and living in a new country. Outstanding. They are lucky to have you, just as you are lucky to have them. Glad to hear they are doing well, and hopefully you are too
TexaGermaNadian´s last [type] ..My First Hockey Game
We are. I had to chalk it up to language barrier and they didn’t know how to get the questions asked without being harsh and abrupt.
Wow, you sound like an amazing mom.
I have an 18 year old daughter with special needs (she was brain injured in a car accident when she was four) and I grew a lot of patience in those first few years after her accident. It changed me. She changed me. For the better. I now do not take ONE thing about my children for granted. Every single thing they do is a blessing. But I remember at the beginning of our brain injury “new normal” life, I used to get comments from people that really hurt, or stares whenever we would go some place with our daughter. (why do people stare? gosh, but that bugs me. It used to bug me so much until my husband told me, “You know…you won’t know they are staring if you don’t look at them.” And so that’s what I did to protect myself…I would keep blinders on and not see the people around us. I just couldn’t bare it — at first. Now, it doesn’t really bug me. But that might also be due to the fact that she has gotten much better and her disabilities aren’t as obvious, and so maybe she doesn’t get all that many stares anymore)
Your boys are so handsome. I can tell that you are very proud of them, just from your writing. Do they get along with each other well? In our family, it’s the girls that seem to bicker the most, yet the boys get along just fine. They tear up the house, that’s for sure – but they do not fight with each other. They are easier that way:)
thank you. These two fight like cats and dogs but when it matters they have eachothers backs. You also get the sweet moments where they curl up together and watch movies